WHEN LAST DID YOU SPEND TIME IN THAT DEEP DARK CORNER…?

I know this is a confronting question.
But rest assured…

This conversation is only between you and me.
And as such, you can be completely honest about it – and I promise, so will I.

During the first 3 years of my private practice, I didn’t even know THAT corner existed.

It was such fun starting my practice. It was such fun looking, finding and fitting out that very first office. It was soooooo satisfying starting to see my first clients, and more after that and more after that and finally be in my own practice changing lives – my absolute dream come true.

It was such a sense of achievement and accomplishment when I (yes, me, the immigrant from South Africa) EXPANDED her private practice and started hiring team members. Yes, all of this still had stress, but it was stress that I absolutely THRIVED off (yes, I’m one of THOSE types).

Until the first, of the many dominoes that were going to fall over, started falling. And boy, one of THE most frustrating things in life is not being able to stop those darn dominoes from falling. No matter how hard you try, no matter how many hours you put it, no matter how hard you work… it just keeps falling.

And then, one day, I found myself in an unexpected place.

I place where no helping professional (especially NOT a Clinical Psychologist) should be spending time at…..

THAT DEEP DARK CORNER

That place where everything feels futile.
That place where only catastrophic thinking exists.
That place where you are hurting with betrayal, disappointment, shock, disbelief, panic…. the list goes on.

No, I’m not talking about a depressive episode (which I would be completely transparent about if it was one). But something probably very similar. The thing is, I’m an action-taker, which is probably what saved me. I’m also very proactive when it comes to my mental health, which is why after many years in practice and in business I have never suffered burn-out (touch wood).

However….

That does not mean that I did not spend time in THAT DEEP DARK CORNER.

Things that would pull me into the corner would be stuff like….

• A clinician resigning. Why? Because I would spend hours worrying about how it would affect the clients and in problem-solving how I would ensure continuity of care for them.
• Being kicked out of my lease by my landlord (with 4 weeks notice – received at 5pm on a Friday afternoon) because a big gym now wanted to rent out the whole building and I was the very last tenant still sticking around after the GFC (Global Financial Crisis).
• Finding out on LinkedIN that another group practice was opening up in the same building than me (renting double my room size) and advertising themselves as the new super-practice of the area, with not so much as a courtesy notice from my landlord.

In the beginning it was my husband’s job (poor thing) to get me out of that corner.

No one rejoiced like he did the day I hired by Business Coach, as it then become my Business Coaches’ job to get me out of THAT DEEP DARK CORNER.

Thing is…

As a Masters-trained Clinical Psychologist I gave myself a very hard time for not being able to run my business whilst avoiding these challenges (very realistic thinking, right…. Ah, no!). I kept thinking… well, I won multiple awards at university and finished first in my Masters Class – I’m one clever girl – why can’t I run this business?!

What made it worse is that the first 3 years were so easy and then all of a sudden I had these difficulties. I felt like a failure and for a perfectionist that is a difficult pill to swallow. Being from a conservation South African culture, I am also very proud, so it was not easy admitting that I needed help in learning how to run a business – sustainably, successfully and profitably over the long-term.

The insidious thing about THAT DEEP DARK CORNER is that most of the time people don’t know you are in there – unless you tell them of course. I could go about my day, doing what needs to be done, whilst on the inside feeling like I’m failing.

The good news is that…

The more empowered I got with attaining the right business SKILLS , I started to spend less and less time in THAT DEEP DARK CORNER.

The more empowered I got by attaining the right business MINDSET, I started to spend less and less time in THAT DEEP DARK CORNER.

I’m happy to say that for the last few years, I have been able to completely avoid THAT DEEP DARK CORNER.

It is still there.
It still exits.
I can see it out of the corner of my eye.

BUT…

It has lost all control over me.
I now get to CHOOSE whether I spend time in there or not.
I now get to CHOOSE how much time I spend in there should I choose to visit.

I’m only human.
It often calls my name when things go wrong.
I don’t ignore it.
I acknowledge it – but I don’t answer.

Instead, I CHOOSE to consistently work on my skills and development as a business and practice owner, through having my own MENTORS and through my continued MINSET work and as such I am able to stay within the light.

Yours in Private Practice Success,